Know Your Boobies

You'll have to excuse me while I get on my soap box. Breast Cancer has always been something that I have always feared. I am always good to get my yearly physical I have the attitude if I were to get breast cancer the sooner they find it the better off I would be . I see people with the pink ribbon plastered all over everything they own and sometimes wonder do you even check for it themselves? Maybe someday when I get a little bolder I can ask people when the last time they were checked. You want to be passionate about it with all the clutter but are we passionate enough about it to be checked??
On June 11th I was scheduled for my annual physical. Well the morning was crazy and the thought crossed my mind several times to cancel the appointment. I hate driving to Alamosa. For some reason I never called I knew I had to get it over with for another year. The news was not the best. They found a mass in my right breast. It was small but there it is 1/2 cm in diameter. Scared me to death. I have spent the last week an up side down basket case. I have spent a lot of time in tears and a lot of time on my knees. I have had several belssings. I look at my kids and cry, I didn't want them to have to go through this. I didn't want to go through this either, I really wanted to talk to my mom. You need a mom through times like this. I am thankful to have sisters and a sister in law I am very close to. My only comfort was I knew it had been found early. I had just had an exam 5 1/2 months ago at my 6 week check up after having Dakota and everything was good. I had had a untrasound that same day. Received a call later that evening that I needed to make an appoimtment with a surgen. That is about all the information I received which scared me even more. Called that day and they were able to get me in with the surgon on the 17th which ended up being cancled and rescheduled for the 18th. I went to see him today and from what he saw on the untrasound and from him exam all I had was a irritated milk duct. After I am done nursing Dakota he said he would be more than glad to check it out again for my own piece of mind which I am sure I will do. This last week has been so scary so many things run through your mind. So I really want to encourage everyone to Know Your Boobies and please please get your physical's. I do self exam's, (click here to download a card) I am not so sure that I would have found this one if was so small so it is important to get your physicals. I am so thankful that this ended up being nothing more than a milk duct. No needles had to be involved. It is so important to know your body. Like I said my comfort was knowing that is was found early. So please please take care of yourselves.

Milestones

I don’t know if it's just me but I have noticed something since I had Dakota. With Chance we really pushed him to his milestones like sitting up, crawling, eating baby food, walking and so on. With Logan I think I was still this way... like something was wrong with him is he didn’t do everything when Chance did them. I was a lot more layed back with Logan. He didn’t walk till he was 13 months old. And they were both sitting up by 6 months. With Dakota I am totally different. He is 6 months old and still not sitting up. He push’s up on his hands and knees a lot but does not sit. He sits in his jumper all the time, but he loves it. I was late getting him started on cereal and baby food. Almost like I didn't want it to happen. I don’t want him to grow up I want him to stay a baby. Is anyone else like this? I just think it is kind of funny. I think its true the more you have the more layed back we are.

9 Years & Counting

WOW I can’t believe it has been 9 years since Ray and I were married. The road has not always been a wonderful one but I am thankful for our trials because they have gotten us to where we are today. I could not ask for a better husband & father for my children. I love you Ray with all my heart, I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. You are so good to me, even when I am not easy to be good to. I hope you can handle eternity.
You are a wonderful Husband. I tend to think of other men as rude and disrespectful and then have to remind myself that not everyone is like Ray. I drop something and you are bent down getting it before it hits the floor. Not all men are like that. He is teaching our little boys to be that same way. You are also a wonderful daddy. Our boys love you to death. You are the patient one most of the time. You are hard on them when you have to be. I am so thankful you work so hard so I can stay home with our three wonderful little boys. When money is tight I always offer to go back to work but you would rather go without so I can be home with our boys. Again I want to thank you for all you do. I love you Raymond Wayne. You are my all. I am thankful for the three happy, healthy, rowdy, rambunctious, wild little boys that we have. The 4 of you are my life. I would do anything for any of you. Thank you for all your help, love and support the last 9 years, I am looking forward for 9 + more. I love you Ray!!! Happy Anniversary.

Fishing Trip

So we had big plans Saturday to get the garden in the ground and work on our yard. Well things changed. The boys wanted to go fishing so bad. They both really wanted to go on the boat but that is not going to happen for a few more weekends. Anyway we were just getting started on the garden and my dad showed up. The boys bugged and bugged and they finally left to go fishing. So much for the yard work. I was so frustrated but I got over it. Well they guys got to where they were going and Ray got Logan’s pole in the water so he would be content while he set Chance up. Ray said he didn’t get started helping Chance and Logan started crying. Ray said its ok I’ll be right there. He looked over and Logan’s pole was bent over. Ray hurried over to him and in a tear and fear filled voice he told Ray “its gunna pull me in da wader.” They are still laughing about that comment. Logan just got a new pole that he is quite proud of and he was not about to let go of it. That fish that about pulled him in da wader was the biggest fish caught that day. Way to go Logan. After Ray took care of that and got Chance set up he was able to do some fishing. Chance had a pretty neat story too. He had a fish and was riling it in and another fish jumped up and got his hook so he was able to catch two fish at one time. Ray’s mom and dad took off Sunday to go fish and Chance told me. “I guess Papa heard I caught two fish at one time and wants to go see if he can do it.” He’s 7 years old and already is a smack talker. They had a good time, made me feel bad for getting frustrated over my garden not getting planted. It’s been hard this year with Dakota. He is not big on being outside so when we are out he is fussy so I am getting anything done. I hope we do a garden. I am glad you guys had a good time.

6 Months Old

Dakota is 6 months old today. Time goes by so fast. The following is a slide show pictures from birth to just a few days ago. If you'll notice I think we finally have a child that looks more Hoover than Smith. Chance is pure Smith and Logan is a blonde Smith I guess. Maybe he's a good mix the blonde just throws everyone off. But Dakota is Hoover I think. One out of three not too bad. He is getting so big. He is starting to get up on his hands and knees, not sitting up too good yet. He will sit for a little bit but not long at all. I hold him a lot or keep him in his jumper don't want him to crawl. I just want him to stay a baby I am going to hold onto this baby stage as long as I can. He is a really really good baby makes me want one more.?. His brothers love him to pieces! They are both good helpers with Dakota. Let me know what ya think is he Smith or a Hoover??

Happy Mothers Day in Heaven

At first I wanted Mothers Day to just be another day. Then I realized there is so much to celebrate even though mom is gone. Life as a mother is wonderful!! I never thought I could live without my MOM but that is just what I have spent the last 2 ½ years doing. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. I am very grateful to have had such a wonderful person to call my MOM. Over those last few years of her life we were able to establish a wonderful friendship. For that I am very grateful. She was such a loving and caring person.

I guess we get used to life without a loved one; it is a long road and a road I hope not to have to travel again anytime soon. I can’t say that life gets easier but it gets better, that dark spot in your heart that hurt it does go away in a way. You learn to fill the space and hurt with happy memories and the knowledge that those loved ones are with a loving Heavenly Father. Life is not normal anymore you just learn to live with a new normal.

I think about my Mom often and wonder what she is doing. I know she is busy and looks down on us when she has the time. There is no doubt in my mind that she misses us just as much as we miss her. She does have an advantage because I know that she understands the plan and can see the full picture while we are still down here on earth trying to figure it all out. I know as a family we strive to live each day to be better so we can see our Mom again. I miss her terribly!! But when I look at this world today I am so glad she is in a safe place.

I am so grateful for the things that she taught me over the years. She taught me to be honest, to be trustworthy, forgiving, respectful, obedient, faithful, work hard in school, to do service, to be patient, work an honest day’s work, fill a church calling to its fullest, to love one another, to always be the bigger person, to be a good wife and mother, sometimes we have to turn the other cheek, respect not only for my elders but for myself, To be thrifty, to be modest, to be prayerful, just to name a few things. Some of these things were not always easy but I learned them and sometimes I learned the hard way. Mom always made sure we learned a lesson when we did something wrong. Not all of us chose the right path and I think mom took that personally but at the same time knew we had our free agency.

My goal on this Mothers Day is to be the kind of Mother my Mom was. She gave up so much so her kids could have. Just when she was in the possion to spend her hard earned money on none other than her, she was called back home. We still don’t understand why it had to happen of why it had to happen that way. We do know it was her time to go, so Heavenly Father called her home. I pray for comfort for those that were involved daily. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that she was able to be on this earth long enough to get all but one of her kids married off. I feel like she made sure we were all going to be ok before she left, that is what mom always did. It is hard sometimes to believe she is gone. I miss our daily phone conversation. I called her daily for advice or to just chit chat I miss those phone calls a lot.

I hope with this post I have paid my Mom some justice. She was such a wonderful person whom I miss so much. I think about her often. Shortly after my mom passed away I discover I would write poems, I honestly feel like that is when I began to cope. I could write my feelings and thoughts down on paper. The following poem is one I wrote. I can still close my eyes and see my Mom’s Hands. I wrote a few but I will just post this one for now it is the most fitting.

Mom’s Hands

They are what I remember most
They showed her love the best

They could sew anything ya know
When asked “can you fix?” She never said no

They could quilt all day with no guilt
Each 6 of us have some to show. Moms Hands never quit

They could cook with no book
No lessons she took, but plenty she taught

They could clean. O could they clean
When she said clean, it had better gleam

They showed how smart she was
Only wrote as fast as she could think
Which was faster than a blink

They were smart with money
And money was tight

They worked both day and night
To make thinks just right

They practiced patience and patience she had
Cause 6 kids is what she had

They showed how much she cared
Only mean if kids dared

Her hands so small & distinct
I wonder what they think

Her mortal hands lay to rest
While her spiritual hands finish the test

Written by; Lori Smith

OK it's not award winning but it's my mom in a nut shell.

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests, or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I would have never known the warmth,
the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
Before I was a Mom!

Congrats Grad

Tiff we are so proud of you!! You did it! All your hard work has paid off. You are now the educated one of the bunch! Tiffanie graduated today with a Bachelor’s Degree of Science in Nursing. I also want to mention that Tiffanie graduated with honors. Tiff’s diploma will read Summa Cum Laude which means she had a GPA of 3.9 – 4.0. Holy Moley she’s a SMARTY!! Way to go! We are so happy and proud of you. (is it ok to be proud??) Robert we are proud of you too, for all the love & support you gave Tiff. I am sure it was tough at times she worked and studied so hard. You were the rock she needed to keep her going.

Bed Time Prayer

I can't help but to post this story. Chance has such a big heart. He wants everyone to be OK. Yesterday at school they talked about the SWINE FLU. Last night in his prayers he asked Heavenly Father to "please bless all the people that have the SWINE FLU." It caught me off guard and he took offense to me chuckling during his prayer. Also in that prayer he asked Heavenly Father to "please bless school that is will get out like that" (as he snapped his fingers) It was too funny. Poor little guy is getting pretty burnt out. He has done really well this long, he just has to hang in there a few more weeks.